Your Ultimate Wedding Etiquette Guide Based On The Top 10 Questions
It’s 2021, and your wedding day should be YOUR way. With that said, we know that there may be a few wedding traditions or wedding etiquette guidelines you want to keep in mind. Below, we have collected some of the most frequently asked questions we see couples asking as they plan their wedding.
And because you should know who you are getting your etiquette advice from, allow us to quickly introduce ourselves. The Preston Barn is a stunning farmhouse barn wedding venue in Upstate New York, in the heart of Hudson Valley. We offer a wide variety of accommodations for your guests to stay on property, which you can read more about here. For information about our wedding packages and options, we have some information here or you can contact us to schedule a tour and get pricing information.
Melissa & Thanh taking a walk next to their Hudson Valley Barn Wedding Venue | Little But Fierce Photography
Wedding Planning Etiquette Questions
Who pays for what?
This is a loaded question. Traditionally, the groom’s parents will pay for the rehearsal dinner and the bride’s parents will pay for the wedding day. We hate to break it to you, but this tradition is going away quickly! Although parents of either member of the wedding couple may contribute to the overall wedding budget, many wedding couples are paying for their wedding personally. If your parents do want to contribute, it’s often recommended they agree to a set amount or set items (ie. they will pay for the open bar and catering). The clearer you can be before the wedding planning begins, the less likely you’ll find out too late that the money came with unwanted wedding opinions.
No matter who pays, figuring out the budget is the first thing you should do when beginning your wedding planning. You can learn why and more on our 5 Important Things You NEED to Know Before You Tour Blog!
2. Who should you invite to your wedding?
Whether you host a micro wedding of your closest family and friends, or a more grand affair with 250 people, it truly is up to you who you invite. With that said, your wedding guest list should be one of the first things you decide on, because you don’t want to invite guests to your engagement party, wedding shower, or bachelor/bachelorette parties if they aren’t invited to the wedding. Keep in mind that if parents are paying, they might have a say in this as well.
3. Do you need to give everyone a plus one?
Traditional wedding etiquette dictates that if the guest you are inviting is in a serious relationship, they should be given a plus one. If you can, it’s nice to give your single guests a plus one as well, especially if they don’t know many other guests at the wedding. Just know that you need to be consistent with your “rules”. Don’t allow some single friends a plus one, while others are not allowed.
4. Who does the wedding couple buy presents for?
Although most etiquette questions revolve around YOU getting all of the gifts, there are a few people you should buy gifts for. Generally, the wedding couple will purchase gifts for their parents, their wedding party, and each other!
Wedding Ceremony Etiquette
5. For your wedding party: do I need to have a maid of honor/best man?
Absolutely not. You don’t want anyone standing beside you on your wedding day out of pure formality. You can choose to forgo having a wedding party altogether, or you can shake up the traditions to better reflect the people who are most important to you. You can choose to have two maids of honor, a man of honor, whatever you want. Don’t be afraid to shake it up!
6. Who walks down the aisle?
Traditionally, the processional starts with bridesmaids and groomsmen paired up walking down the aisle. If you don’t have an even wedding party, you can have three people walk down together. The ring bearer and flower girl follow shortly after. Then, the bride walks down the aisle with her father who gives her away at the end of the aisle.
In reality, we see couples shake this up all the time! Sometimes the groom will walk down first (either with the officiant or his parents) instead of meeting them up there. We have brides walk with both of her parents or walk herself down the aisle. We have also seen couples choose to walk down the aisle together!
Wedding Reception Etiquette
7. Do you have to have an open bar?
Wedding reception etiquette dictates that yes, you should provide the alcohol. If hosting an open bar is too much of a stretch on your budget, there are other ways to cut costs without asking your guests to pay for their own drinks. You can ask your wedding venue or bar service for ideas like having a signature cocktail or serving wine and beer exclusively during your reception. Here at Preston Barn, we include an open bar in all of our packages because from what we have witnessed, that’s what couples and guests most enjoy and appreciate.
Indoor or outdoor bar? Ok, you can have both.
8.What should you do for wedding vendor meals?
Oftentimes, your caterer will offer a set vendor meal which is typically less expensive than the three or four-course meal you may be serving your guests. Make sure to consider that your wedding vendors have somewhere decent to eat as well - happy wedding vendors always do better work and too many of them have eaten in their car one too many times. Also make sure there is a place they can sit to eat their meals, not too far from the action.
9. What about tipping vendors?
When it comes to venues and catering, definitely check your contract to see if gratuity is included. It usually is, however, not everyone gets a piece of that. It will include chefs and catering staff, but may not include the venue coordinator, housekeeping, or other venue attendants.
Check out this amazing blog from Here Comes The Guide that tells you everything you need to know about tipping etiquette!
Little But Fierce Photography
10. How should the wedding couple be introduced at the reception?
This one is up to you! Whether you choose to take your partner’s last name or not, you can choose how you can be introduced as newlyweds! One thing to keep in mind, is check with your DJ before feeling assuming he will make the announcement. If they don’t make announcements (not all DJ’s do!), consider asking your MC instead.
Planning your Hudson Valley wedding
Let us quickly finish by reminding you that you can break a few rules when planning your wedding. At The Preston Barn, we love to help our couples create a wedding day that is unique to them and truly represents them as a couple. Although this post has been primarily about traditional wedding etiquette, your venue coordinator is always happy to answer any questions you might have. If you are ready to learn more about our Hudson Valley wedding venue, get in touch with us here. We can’t wait to help you create an unforgettable wedding day!
